


Come back to me

by TheIceQueen



Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: ...maybe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Crying Alec Lightwood, Denial, Exhaustion, Fear, Frustration, Gen, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Head Injury, Healing, Hunt Gone Wrong, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Injury Recovery, Jace Wayland Feels, Magic, Major Character Injury, Men Crying, Pain, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels, Paralysis, Permanent Injury, Recovery, Trapped, Unconsciousness, Whumptober 2019, Worried Jace Wayland
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2020-12-21 02:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21067610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIceQueen/pseuds/TheIceQueen
Summary: Jace and Alec got trapped on a hunt and with Alec hurt and unconscious Jace can only wait for the others to come find them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts:  
Chapter 1: Whumptober 2019 #no.12 – Don't move  
Chapter 2: Whumptober 2019 #no.14 – Tear-stained  
Chapter 3: Whumptober 2019 #no.21 – Laced Drink  
Chapter 4: Whumptober 2019 #altno.4 – Dehydration  
Chapter 5: Whumptober 2019 #no.30 – Recovery

Jace did his best to ignore his hand shaking when he carefully picked up Alec’s limp hand and laced his fingers around it. It could be the cold anyway. The only blanket he could find in the basement was tugged thoroughly around Alec.

There was no need to believe that Jace’s hands were shaking because the activated rune on his side was burning still hotter. Alec was fine. He would be fine just as soon as he opened his eyes. The parabatai rune was most likely burning because Alec was scared. Locked away unconscious, but scared, and therefore very much able to wake up any second.

Jace put his elbows on the table Alec was on and leaned his chin on their hands. Attentively, he watched every of Alec’s shallow and too slow breaths. Why wasn’t he shaking? There was too cold in the house. Jace had stripped Alec of his shirt to tend to his wounds and had used it for dressings. He wasn’t bleeding anymore. His iratze had taken the worst of the big gash and completely healed the wound above his ear.

Trying, and failing, to control the shaking in his hand he buried his fingers Alec’s hair still matted with blood and dirt. With the movement Alec’s head tilted heavily into Jace’s palm.

“Alec?”

Jace leaned in closer to be in front of his face if he should open his eyes, but Alec hadn’t even made a change in breathing.

“Alec. C’mon man, wake up.” He hated the way his voice sounded small and scared. Not because anyone would hear, but because he knew it was true; he was scared.

He massaged his fingers on Alec’s head. The wound was gone completely, but what damage had the hit with the concrete made under it? Jace saw the landing. Alec had hit the wall head first and dropped to the concrete beneath like a rag-doll. As the scene played over in his head again and again, and so did the sound. Something had to have cracked. Already before Jace was by Alec’s side he was considering if moving him was a good idea, but the demons had made the choice for him.

“I’m sorry Alec…” Jace, once again used both hands to hold Alec’s and leaned his chin on their joined fingers. “We should have had back-up. You were right. You always are.”

Jace gasped as the rune burned deeper in his skin and he saw Alec’s closed eyes, he’d had been wanting to open for what seemed days, disappear behind a wall of water in his own.

“Please, Alec…” He closed his eyes and didn’t bother reacting to the tears rolling down his cheeks. “I’m… I’m lost withou…” A gulp of much needed air blocked his words and he had to settle with squeezing his brother’s hand tighter.

Where the hell were the others? They were supposed to be back by now and everyone had to be looking for them. There was no way Jace was getting Alec out of here alone, even though the demons had given up hours ago. He couldn’t do this on his own. Not this, not anything. Nothing was possible without Alec. If Alec wasn’t waking up…

The hardest thing to do was wait. To just sit there with tears wetting his face, holding Alec’s heavy hand in his, and powerlessly feeling the burning digging deeper into his side.

“Hey…” The whisper was almost not there, but the fingers between his, definitely stirred a little.

“Alec?” Jace’s word were only a formed exhale with no real sound and he still didn’t see anything but shapes.

A light and shaky finger touched Jace’s cheekbone, brushing away a few tears. With a fast gasp, Jace blinked away the water blocking their eye-contact and took Alec’s other hand too.

“I…” Jace gulped in air and looked down his side. The rune was still activated and sore, but he couldn’t see it lighting up under his shirt anymore. “Alec… I thought…”

“Shh… Jace.” Alec made a weary smile and squeezed two of Jace’s fingers his was wrapped around. “I’m not leaving you.”

The sigh leaving Jace’s lungs almost left him dizzy enough to fall of the unsteady chair. “You scared me.” Jace felt his voice coming back as he put Alec’s one hand down and quickly wiped his face so he could see his brother’s open eyes more clearly. “You hit your head pretty hard.”

“My head hit something pretty heard, you mean.” Alec grimaced in pain as he tried to turn his head a little. When he gave up, Jace supported him with a hand to rest his chin on.

“Don’t move, we’re safe here. Just lay still till Izzy and Clary gets here.”

Alec’s eyes widened and his hand held on so tight to Jace’s that it wasn’t Jace who was making them shake.

“What is it?!” Jace stood up and looked over Alec’s body, but didn’t see anything different from before. “Alec?”

Alec’s eyes were locked firmly at Jace, but his lungs had taken over completely and his words didn’t come through. Jace cupped his cheeks with both hands and leaned in to make sure he was in line of sight.

“Alec! Breathe!” Jace paused to make sure Alec was following.

Alec’s hands clung tight to Jace’s wrists as if he was scared he would leave before he was able to speak. He gasped again and tried to form something from the exhale.

“I don’t understand you. Breathe deep and slow.” Jace slowed his words and watched Alec nod slightly in his hands. “C’mon, now. Talk to me.”

Alec heaved in and a tear escaped his eye. “I…” His breathing sped up.

“No, no. Alec.” Jace rubbed thumb slowly over Alec’s cheek. “No more of that. Breathe and then talk.”

Alec nodded and swallowed hard. “My legs…”

Jace frowned in confusion as he watched more tears leave Alec’s eyes. “What…?” He whispered, scared to hear the answer.

“I… I can’t move.” Alec’s voice cracked and his breathing sped up again. “Jace! I…” He pulled harder on Jace’s wrists. “I can’t move my legs!” His voice got airy and with his head moving from looking down at his legs and up at Jace, his eyes were shutting in pain for every word he shouted. “Jace! No, no…! I can’t m… No…!”

“Hey, hey.” Jace firmly grabbed Alec’s frantic hands and held them to Alec’s chest with one if his, making Alec gasp loudly as he put pressure on a still open wound. “Alec. You need to calm down.”

Same second, Jace’s fear was confirmed; Alec’s eyes wavered and his hands clutching on to Jace’s, lost strength in waves.

“This can’t… No! This ca… happen!”

“Alec, listen to me!” Jace took Alec’s chin and got nose to nose close. When Alec looked in him the eyes Jace breathed and calmed his words. “Alec. We will fix it, but you can’t make yourself pass out.”

“I… I…” Alec gasped and his eyes rolled back in his head for a short second. “Jace…”

“Calm down! Alec, don’t…!” Jace felt Alec’s hands loosen their grip and the fast breathing turned into small desperate gulps. It was too late. Jace forced a small smile, trying to provide Alec just a little comfort. “I’ve got you. It’s alright. Rest. Just come back to me, okay?”

Alec’s lungs made one last fight for a quick breath, before Alec’s eyes fell shut and his breathing again became shallow and too slow.


	2. Chapter 2

“Izzy. Let me go in there.” Jace pushed the door, but Izzy held the door knob still.

She put a light but slightly shaking hand on his chest. “Jace, listen…”

“No!” He stepped back out of her reach. “No, _you_ listen! I need to talk to him. You don’t understand; I can’t breathe.” Jace heaved in air and supported himself on the wall as his eyesight disappeared for a second.

“I know.” Izzy stepped forward and if Jace had a little control over his feet he would have moved away before she took his hand in both of hers. “You _should_ go see him, but you need to know…”

Jace lifted his hand to stop her from speaking further. He shook his head and tried to distinct his feelings from Alec’s and to figure out how much was fear and how much was sorrow.

“Just… Just tell me if it’s…” His heart skipped a beat and he desperately tried to keep the air from escaping his lungs completely.

Izzy’s light hands cupped his face and when he forced himself to focus and take the news head on, her eyes were waiting for him.

“We don’t know.” She shook her head, still keeping eye-contact. “Magnus and Catarina are trying to find a way, but…”

Jace held his breath as he took Izzy’s shoulders. “But, what?”

She swallowed and looked down for a split second, before she sighed deeply and look Jace straight in the eyes. “It’s the last resort. Shadowhunter doctors can’t help him.”

* * *

Alec was propped up against quite a few pillows and had one under his knees too. Jace suspected that Magnus had used magic to get him dressed in sweatpants and a shirt. He was still. Too still, and had his head turned away from the door and Jace.

Jace had been sure that he’d be better when he saw Alec. Their sensations was always strongest when that were apart and couldn’t help each other. They would always vanish to almost nothing as soon as they could talk, but Jace still felt the fear and despair as strong as before. He couldn’t help Alec. Pulling him out of harms way or coming to his aid when he had a hard time was easy, but now Jace had to form full words in his mind to tell him that he should walk over to him.

“Alec?”

Alec didn’t move and Jace sat down on the chair and cleared his throat to try again with a bit more sound to it. “Alec?”

It didn’t seem possible for Alec to turn his head further away, but with a small sniffle he proved Jace wrong. Jace’s heart beat an extra beat and pressed the air from his lungs. Without hesitation he leaned in and took Alec’s chin. It was a small struggle to turn his head towards Jace’s side, but eventually Alec must have realized that Jace wouldn’t back off and he gave in.

The dried lines of tears over Alec’s cheeks cut into Jace as daggers. Alec didn’t look up but he held still as Jace used a paper towel to dry his jawline that had clearly been pressed against the wet pillow.

“Alec…” He let Alec’s chin go and took reached for his hand, but Alec pulled it away. Jace sighed deeply to control his breathing as he put his hands in his own lap. “Alec, please… Please let me be with you in this.”

It took seconds, that felt like minutes, before Alec reacted by biting his lip and shaking his head.

“Yes…” Jace leaned in and put his elbows on the mattress, hoping to see Alec’s eyes, but he kept his eyes down and turned his head away a little. “I know it’s bad, but you need to let me help. _I_ need to be helping.”

“You can’t.” Alec’s voice was raw and quiet but clear enough that Jace could feel the frustration of it.

Jace turned Alec’s face back with a finger on his chin. “Tell me how.”

The sadness and fear Jace had felt till now, was nothing compared to what hit him as Alec’s eyes met his.

“You can’t.” Alec sniffled and took a deep breath, barely keeping himself from crying. “Magnus and Catarina are looking, but they…” He looked down and bit his lip.

Alec didn’t have time to pull his hand away again before Jace took it in both of his. “They, what?”

“They don’t know what they’re looking for.” He shook his head and when he looked up, tears rolled over his face. “Everyone else has given up. I’ll never…”

Alec heaved in air and Jace stood up and hugged him tight before he could turn away. With Alec shaking in his arms, grabbing on tighter than Jace could remember he’d done before, Jace’s eyes blurred and he swallowed to be able to talk.

“It’s alright. It’s Magnus and Catarina; you know they’ll find something.”

When Alec pressed his face into the crease of Jace’s neck, Jace put his hand heavily on the back of his head and supported him there. “Shh. It’ll be okay. You’ll be fine.”

Alec let go and Jace supported him back to the pillows and studied his dark eyes as he sat down himself. Alec didn’t believe a word he was saying.

“You… We should…” Alec gasped and the knot in Jace’s stomach became suddenly heavy and burning hot. Alec was not only sad; he was mourning.

“No, Alec!” Jace took Alec’s face in both of his hands. “Never!” he never thought Alec would even think it. He wasn’t even sure it was possible.

“Jace…” Alec gasped.

“No!”

Alec shook his head in Jace’s hold and let more tears lose. “Jace I can’t help you. I’ll be here and I’ll know if you’re hurt or scared and I can’t do a damn thing about it.”

Jace was sure he wasn’t hearing Alec right.

“You should have a parabatai who can help you in the field.”

With the whole room spinning around him, Jace plummeted back on the chair. Alec’s hand found one of his and held it tight.

“Jace…”

Jace shook his head and put his other hand around Alec’s before he looked up. “Alec, no. You’re my brother, my best friend and a part of me. That won’t change. I won't change that.”

It looked as if Alec was about to talk but Jace moved a little closer, indicating that he wasn’t done. “I’ll take myself out of the field until you’re better.”

"No..." Alec pulled his hand closer. "You can't..."

"I can. I can wait." Jace looked Alec straight in the eyes, making sure he could see that he wasn't doubting his decision.

Alec’s chin quivered and his breathing got fast and ragged again. “What… What if…?” He swallowed and bit his lip.

Jace pulled him into a tight embrace again. “It won’t be like that. You’ll walk again.”

The small almost controlled sniffles was changed in for sobs and hiccups for air. Jace sat down on the edge of the mattress and held Alec till his t-shirt was soaked in salty water.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The waiting and not knowing if this is permanent is getting to Alec and Magnus has to help even if Alec doesn't want it.

Alec wouldn’t let anyone touch his legs. It felt weird when the duvet was placed over them and when he touched his thighs. It felt weird because it felt normal but he couldn’t move them. Since Magnus had come back yesterday he’d tried every healing magic he knew and Alec had felt all of it, but still nothing. Now he just wanted to be alone. He didn’t want anyone looking at him. The awkwardness when they didn’t know what to say was unbearable but the sadness in their eyes was worse, and it became more clear for every hour. He’d asked everyone to leave his room and only Magnus had refused, but Alec had a feeling that if he hadn’t insisted on staying, Jace would.

Magnus was sitting next to the bed. He’d clearly wanted to climb in with him but Alec must have radiated that he didn’t want anyone that close anymore. The hugging and crying was over. Now he was just pissed and with everyone else losing faith that he would get better he had to make distance. He wasn’t ever going to accept that. They said that they were sure Catarina would find a way, but Alec wasn’t so sure they believed it.

He’d only taken the tea from Magnus as a curtsy. Alec felt bad for Magnus, he looked more and more broken for each failed attempt. The last had left Alec in pain for over an hour after and Magnus’s hand has shook in his for the whole time.

The mug in his hands faded for a second and Magnus’s hand was quickly on it, keeping the lukewarm liquid from spilling on the duvet. Alec blinked and swallowed a few times before he could focus again. He hadn’t slept more than half an hour since he came to two days ago, but it was enough that he didn’t want to do that again before he was better. He knew he was tired but this came on suddenly. He blinked again and forced his eyes open.

Magnus pushed the mug upward. “Drink.”

Alec looked into the mug. There was only a little under half left.

“Magnus…?” He breathed deep and, slightly confused he pushed the mug away. “What did you…?”

“You need sleep Alexander.” Magnus smiled softly at him.

“No!” Alec pushed the mug harder and Magnus barely managed to save it from a trip to the floor. “I… You drugged me?!”

Magnus put the mug aside and took Alec’s hand, but Alec pulled away. “You’re keeping yourself up. The stamina rune…”

“No…” It was impossible to stay angry. He was too tired and now tears were running over his face. He didn’t want to sleep. “Magnus, I won’t… I can’t.”

Alec took Magnus’s hand sluggishly with both of his. “Take it back.”

Magnus shook his head and moved a bit closer. “I can’t. Even if I could I wouldn’t.” He sounded remorseful but the tight grip he had on Alec was secure and determined.

“Magnus, I…”

“I know you don’t want to dream, but I can’t let you wear yourself down to the brink of insanity.”

Alec shook his head. “You don’t…” His eyes closed and his head tilted forward, but as soon as Magnus’s hand supported him he jumped back up. “You…”

“What, Love?”

With a deep breath, Alec focused on Magnus and forced himself to stay upright in bed. “My mind… When I’m sleeping, it’s trying to…” He gasped shortly and let more tears roll. “I saw what’s life will… I’m not accepting life like this.”

When Alec had passed out, exhausted after talking to Jace, he’d seen himself in a wheelchair. Years from now. Jace hunting and Magnus traveling. He was stuck and couldn’t help.

“Alexander…” Magnus cupped his cheek and made sure Alec’s heavy eyes found Magnus’s gaze before he continued. “I know. Neither of us are giving up. No matter what you’re dreaming, we will still be fighting just as hard when you wake up. But Love, you need sleep.”

“I… I can’t.”

“Yes you can.” Magnus squeezed his hand tight and sent him a smile before he picked up the mug again and handed it to Alec. “C’mon. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Alec slowly wrapped both hands around the mug, letting Magnus support it in his loose grip. Still studying Magnus’s eyes closely he took a deep breath and shook his head. “Magnus…” Alec’s voice cracked and he gasped.

“Alexander please.” He pushed the mug a little closer to Alec’s mouth.

“You’ll be here…?”

Magnus smiled and nodded as he gestured for the wide space on the other side of the bed. Alec bit his lip and only considering for a second he nodded. Magnus made sure Alec’s hold on the mug was steady before he walked around and climbed in. He pressed himself up against the headboard close to Alec. The movement when he wrapped an arm around Alec’s shoulders was enough to make the room spin and Magnus grabbed the mug again.

“Drink it all. When you wake up I’ll be here to remind you that hope isn’t gone yet.”

Alec sniffled and lifted the mug a little. “Isn’t it?”

“No.” Magnus hugged Alec tighter to his side. “Catarina will find something.”

Alec nodded and slowly downed the last of the drink. He wasn’t sure if he dropped the mug or if Magnus got it, but it was gone before his head landed on Magnus’s shoulder. The burning in his eyes disappeared as soon as the room turned dark. The sound of his small hiccups for air was broken by a gentle kiss on his temple.


	4. Chapter 4

Jace saw Alec push something under the pillow just as he opened the door to his room. “You know, Izzy is going to confiscate that if you don’t eat.”

Alec took out the stele and put it on the table. “I was just trying the Iratze again.”

Jace nodded slowly and put the tray of food, that he knew Alec wouldn’t eat, down before he sat on the chair next to Alec’s bed. “I think you have it confused with your stamina rune; healing is on your other side.”

With a deep sigh, Alec folded his arms and looked down at the duvet covering his limp legs.

“Hey…” Jace waited for Alec to look up, but it didn’t happen. “The rune can only do so much. Eventually you will need to eat. You need to drink _now_.”

Alec bit his lip and turned his head further away. Jace had seen Alec go from desperate, through melancholy, to pissed off and back again over the last four days. Every time Catarina and Magnus had come by, with some new idea, Alec had seemed sure that this was it. Jace knew it was all pretend. Alec was scared more than anything else. Eventually Alec had stopped pretending and when Magnus left three days ago, he’d stopped eating and drinking too.

“Alec…” Jace leaned forward and put his hands on the edge of the bed. “When they come back with a solution, you have to be ready. You have to be strong and you can’t do that when you’re starving and dehydrated.”

The shaky breath Alec let out had Jace reach for his hand but Alec moved it away. Alec sluggishly turned his head and looked at the wheelchair in the corner and Jace’s eyes followed.

“What is it? Talk to me.” Jace straightened his back, ready to get up. “Do you want out of here?”

“No.” For a second Alec looked terrified.

As far as Jace knew, Alec hadn’t touched the chair, he didn’t think he’d even left the bed since he came in here the first day. Jace’s lungs filled to the brink with air when he realized what was going on. He swallowed and bit his lip as he let the air out controlled.

“Alec…? Alec, look at me.”

It took a minute before Alec locked his jaw and turned his head towards Jace.

“Does Magnus know that you haven’t gone to the bathroom yet?”

Alec’s face dropped and his breathing sped up slightly as he stared at Jace. Eventually he shook his head slowly. Jace swallowed deep and nodded to himself.

“So, he’s making it so you don’t have to?”

Alec bit his lip. Before the water building in Alec’s eyes could spill Jace reached in and took his hand, not letting him avoid it this time.

“It’s been two days. Alec, you can’t just stop drinking and eating.”

“I’m not using that chair.” He shook his head as a single tear fell. “I’m just not.”

It wasn’t hard to understand why. Alec was so damn terrified that this was going to be permanent that just considering using the chair would be to accept it, but he couldn’t keep this up.

“I get it. I do, okay?” Jace wrapped his other hand around his and Alec’s hand and held him tight, hoping it would make him listen closer. “Alec, you’re pale and cold and you can hardly keep your eyes open. You need fluid. You have two choices if you don’t want this to end with IV and catheter.”

Alec’s dark eyes sprung up at Jace. “No…! Hell no!” He pulled his arm but wasn’t strung enough to put up a fight against Jace’s hold.

“You will end up passing out… Most likely before night and the doctors will have no choice, but you have options.”

Alec just looked at Jace and shook his head.

“It’s not good for you to keep using Magnus’s magic, but I get it. I’ll send for him, if you want.”

The and wrapped in Jace’s shook a little and Alec sniffled, trying no to let out more tears. He shook his head and only let out a whisper. “I need him to keep looking.”

“I know.” Jace nodded. “But then you have to use the bathroom, because you have to drink.”

Tears ran freely over Alec’s cheeks now and he turned away. Jace leaned over him and turned his face back towards him and looked him in the eyes. “_You _decide how you want to do it. _You _decide who will help you if you need it. We’ll make it work.”

Alec swallowed deeply and sniffled. “Jace… I…”

“Hey.” Jace sat back and took Alec’s hand with both of his again. “It’s not giving up. It’s just dealing with it while they are figuring out how to get you better.”

Alec bit his lip and nodded slightly. He looked to the tray Jace had brought in and Jace moved the table over. With a deep breath and a shaky hand, Alec picked up the glass and drank almost half of the water before he put it down and picked up the fork.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catarina and Magnus find another treatment that seems like it could work.

“Is it going to hurt him like the last time?”

“Mom. Stop.” Alec looked sternly at Maryse but she only shook her head at him and looked at the two warlocks.

“Magnus? Catarina?”

The tension in the room was close to choking Jace. He knew that no matter how bad this was going to be Alec would want to do it. And he would have to back him up, because he knew that he would wanna do the exact same if it was him in the bed. Izzy, who was sitting on the edge of the mattress holding Alec’s hand, turned and looked at Magnus, with the same level of demand as her mother showed.

“It won’t hurt like that.” Magnus forced a smile that reassured none of them.

“Alec.” Catarina stepped forward and stood at the foot end of the bed. “Up until now we’ve only tried healing your lower back and the reason it’s not been working is because the damage isn’t there. It took a long time to figure out how to make this safe, because we have to heal part of your brain.”

Jace’s fingers suddenly felt numb and he had trouble figuring out where to put his hands, but when he watched his mom lose all color to her skin he wrapped an arm around her waist and took her hand in his.

“You might feel some pain, but not all the time.” Catarina ignored everyone around her and focused on Alec. “There won’t be a lot of pain, it will be rough though. It will take time; Magnus and I will have to take turns. You will be exhausted, but you can’t sleep until it’s done.”

Jace tightened his grip on his mom. “What happens if he sleep?” Clary’s hand was on his shoulder, making him realize that he was shaking.

“He won’t.” Magnus came to live and kneeled down next to Alec and Izzy. “You won’t sleep, the magic will keep you up, but you will want to.”

Alec nodded at Magnus with a small smile but it didn’t seem to calm Maryse who was breathing a bit too quick for Jace’s comfort. “I don’t think…” She looked at Alec. “Alec, it doesn’t sound safe.”

“Mom.” Alec reached for her hand and she stepped closer and Jace followed. “I have to, you know that.”

Maryse bit her lip as she nodded. Then she looked at Catarina. “What do you need. How is this going to happen?”

* * *

Alec hadn’t said a word as he was wheeled to the med-ward. They didn’t need any of the things there, but they needed a bed that was narrow enough for Catarina or Magnus to stand behind Alec, and someone else could hold him steady from the other side of the bed. Also, Jace had overheard Catarina tell Magnus that it would be better to be there to care for Alec after. Alec had heard it too, and with the look he sent Jace, he had decided not to bring it up while Maryse and Izzy was in the room.

Alec was on his side. Magnus was holding his hands and Jace sat next to him. Everyone else was in the next room. Magnus and Catarina had been adamant that too many people would only make it all that much harder to get through for all of them, but mostly Alec.

Jace placed his hands on Alec’s knees. It still felt weird touching him there, when he knew there would be no movement unless Jace made it happen. Alec would only let someone touch him when absolutely necessary and this would definitely qualify.

“Alec?” Catarina walked close to the bed behind Alec. “You only have one chance to do this and I need to know before we start if we should pull you through it no matter what.”

Jace’s stomach sunk even lower than it already was, but Alec turned his head back and smiled softly at her. “Don’t stop.”

Catarina smiled and nodded before she lifted his head slowly and turned it back to look at Magnus. She held it steady with one hand on the top of his head and one on the back of his neck.

Jace rubbed Alec’s knee and Alec looked down at him. “I can feel you worrying, Jace. Don’t…” He smiled and looked at Jace’s hands on him. “Soon I’ll be able to use my legs for more than feel your shaking hands.”

With a soundless chuckle, Jace tried to look like he wasn’t nervous and that he knew Alec wasn’t either, but both of them knew it was all lies.

“Ready, Alexander?” Magnus leaned in to get Alec’s attention. Alec nodded and pressed Magnus’s hands to his lips.

Magnus kissed Alec’s forehead. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” Alec breathed in deeply and let the air out slowly and controlled. “Okay, Catarina let’s do this.”

Catarina’s fingers bored deeper into Alec’s hair and he closed his eyes. “Try to relax the best you can.” Her fingers spread a golden glow over Alec’s scalp and his breathing became slow and controlled.

Immediately, Jace felt the doubt; Alec didn’t feel safe. He held on tighter to his knee and placed a heavy hand on Magnus’s hand Alec’s hold on each other. “We’re here. You’re good, Alec.”

Seemingly startled by Jace’s reaction, Magnus moved closer and whispered to Alec. “You’re safe, Alexander. I promise you; this is safe.”

Alec hummed as an answer but squeezed his eyes tighter and soon he was struggling to control his breathing.

“Just breathe, Alexander.”

Alec didn’t seem to hear Magnus. His breathing shifted from gasping in fast panicky breaths to long heaves that Jace feared could tear his lungs. They were both talking to him and once in a while Alec would reward their persistence with a small squeeze of their fingers. He wasn’t humming anymore; he didn’t seem to have the control or the air to do so. It felt like hours went by of the same, but when Jace looked to the clock on the wall it had only been just under fifteen minutes.

Catarina pressed her full palms harder on Alec’s head and the light changed to purple and blue swirls. Alec heaved in a desperate and shocked breath of air and his shoulders and arms shook.

“Alec?!” Jace moved closer; shoulder to shoulder with Magnus.

It seemed as if Alec tried to shake his head, but he was stuck in the strong hold and the magic. Then a small growl escaped his throat and then another. Magnus kissed his hand and left his chin resting on it. “I’m here Alexander. We’re both right here.”

As if electricity was sent through his body, Alec convulsed and his eyes flew open. Without letting go, Catarina pushed him forward and Magnus lifted a trashcan from under the bed. Jace instinctively stood up, steadying Alec’s shoulders as he violently emptied his stomach.

“Okay, okay.” Jace rubbed Alec’s back, silently hating that Catarina didn’t take a break while this was happening. “Breathe, Alec.”

It lasted for too long, but they kept holding Alec in place till they were sure he had no more to throw up. Gagging and heaving for air, Alec was placed back on the pillow. The blue light still around his head. His shoulders and arms still shaking. Jace took Alec’s one hand again; desperately hoping that he would squeeze back and he did.

“That’s right, Alec. Hang on.”

The shaky but deep breath Magnus took, testified that he’d felt the same thing.

Every time Alec’s grip weakened, Jace held his breath in fear that Alec was getting worse, not that he knew what that would be right now. And every time Alec held on tighter again, Jace hoped to feel his legs move under the hand on Alec’s knee.

“Magnus…” Catarina gasped and Magnus shot up. Automatically, Jace took both of Alec’s hands and moved to the other chair as he watched Magnus take over for Catarina and her support herself against the bed-frame.

“Cat…?” Jace wasn’t sure what he wanted to ask. If she was okay or if she could tell him how Alec was.

She lifted her hand for a second, making him wait as she caught her breath. Then she made her way to the chair next to Jace.

“It’s going as planned. We don’t know anything yet though. We have to go slow.” She looked at the clock, they had been doing this for almost an hour and a half, and then leaned in to take Alec’s shoulder.

“Alec? Can you hear me?”

Nervous about not getting an answer, Jace looked at Magnus for support but he was concentrating too hard to listen to anything being said.

“Sweetheart?” Catarina tried again.

Alec hummed and squeezed Jace’s hands harder. Jace all but fell of the chair.

“You’re doing great. Everything is alright.”

“I…” Alec heaved in air after trying to speak. He opened his eyes and found Jace’s. “I…”

“Shh, shh.” Jace leaned in. “Just hang on and let them do it. We’ll talk after.”

Alec looked at Catarina. “When…?” His word was cut off by a cramp starting in his neck and sending in his hands. He gasped and then he let out a scream Jace was sure would have all the others break through the door.

“Alec?!” Jace tried to steady the shaking man. “Alec open your eyes and look at me!”

The eyes stayed closed and Alec kept screaming and cramping. Only when Catarina’s hand took Jace’s shoulder firmly, did he realize that he was breathing too fast as well.

“It hurts, but most of it is fear and confusion. He’s not in control, Jace, but he can still hear you.”

Nodding without taking his eyes of Alec he took a deep breath trying to control himself. He leaned in closer to get through the sound of the screams without raising his own voice. “It’s okay, Alec. You’re safe. Magnus knows what he is doing.”

They both knew that was true. Magnus would never risk Alec’s life. No matter how scared Alec was right now, Jace knew that he would never doubt Magnus for real.

“It’ll be over soon, hang in there.” He gathered all four of their hands on the mattress in front of Alec’s pain-distorted face and leaned his chin on them. “We’ve got you. You’re safe.”

After ten more minutes of screaming, Magnus was shedding as many tears as Alec was and Jace wanted to knock both of them out. Then Alec stopped. From one second to the other, he just went limp, only breathing too fast for him to be passed out.

“Alec…?” Jace tried carefully.

A small, almost soundless but high-pitched, hum crossed Alec’s lips.

“Hey.” Jace felt his lungs uncurl. “Can you look at me?”

Alec hummed again and after what seemed like another half hour, he opened his eyes.

* * *

Catarina and Magnus had changed places two more times during the night. Alec didn’t seem to realize if it was Jace’s or Magnus’s hands he was holding, but last time he’d freaked out when they let go, so when Catarina took over again, Jace kept holding his hands and Magnus sat down by Alec’s legs and settled with putting a hand over Jace’s and his grip on each other. The pain didn’t come back, at least not like that. It didn’t even seem like Alec was scared anymore, but he’d tried to empty his stomach two more times, even after there was nothing left.

“Mag…” Alec hadn’t spoken in hours and his voice were nothing but a squeak.

“I’m here, Alexander.” Magnus leaned in closer and put his free hand on Alec’s shoulder.

Alec opened his eyes for a second but they fell shut right away. “No… no more…”

It was bound to happen. They were all exhausted, even Jace who hadn’t really done anything but sit for the last six hours was ready to sleep for a week and he wasn’t sure which of the warlocks would pass out first. Alec was bound to be completely drained.

“A bit longer, Alexander.” Magnus didn’t sound like he believed what he was saying.

“No…” Alec squeezed Jace’s hand. “Jace… done…”

Jace looked up at Catarina, who shook her head.

“Hey, Alec.” Jace rubbed Alec’s upper arm. “You’ve come this far. You can do this.”

“Let go…” Alec’s voice shook and he let out a sob as tears broke from his eyes. “Let go of my head… I… sleep.”

Jace shook his head and moved a bit to the side so Magnus could get into Alec’s line of sight too.

“Love, you have to do this.”

With another sob, Alec closed his eyes and cried.

Jace’s lungs tightened. “Alec, it’s alright. Just do what you need to.”

The sobs became louder and Alec’s hands tightened around Jace’s. Jace squeezed back and lowered his voice. “I know it feels like it’ll go on forever, but it won’t, and we’ll be right here with you.”

Alec nodded and a few seconds later his hands loosened their grasps and his crying stilled to small hiccups and a low sob in between.

“Catarina!” Magnus startled both Jace and Catarina. Only Alec seemed to continue in his own world of misery. “He moved.”

Winded, maybe in disbelieve, clearly shocked, Magnus stared on his hand flat on Alec’s thigh.

“Magnus…?” Jace had only little air to form a whisper.

“I felt…” He was cut of by another small jolt throughout Alec’s leg. This time Jace saw it too. His lungs emptied and he put all his strength into squeezing Alec’s hands.

Catarina nodded to Magnus and he stood up and walked to the head of the bed. “Alexander…? Alexander open your eyes now.”

A pitiful cry escaped Alec’s lips and his eye-lids squeezed harder together. Jace wasn’t sure what to do, so he let the warlocks work and just held on tight to his brother’s hands while trying to remember to breathe.

Alec’s legs jolted clearly this time, both of them. Catarina moved with Alec’s head so Magnus could turn him to his back and Magnus placed his hands firmly on his head too.

“Alexander!”

Alec’s eyes opened slowly, annoyed, tried and confused. Magnus leaned in over him and smiled. “Love, move your legs.”

With added confusion, Alec looked down and found Jace. Breathless, Jace smiled and nodded encouragingly. “You’re already moving Alec, just take control over it.”

A few seconds of pure confusion went by in silence and then Alec moved his right foot and then the left. Too similar and too slow for it to be anything less than intentional.

Jace wasn’t sure if it was his or Alec’s relief he felt first, but he saw it clear on the exhausted face looking up at him.

“I… moved.” He looked up at Catarina, who was still keeping the blue light going. “Didn’t I?”

She smiled and Jace saw the first tear leave her eye before his own vision got blurry. “You sure did. Only minutes now, okay?”

“O-okay.” Alec’s voice cracked and Jace felt his hands shaking.

“He’ll be alright?” Jace had to make absolutely sure that there was no ugly surprises.

Magnus locked eyes with Alec and answered Jace’s question to him. “Running and fighting might take some getting used to, but it won’t take long.”

Jace watched as Alec lifted and bend his legs as Magnus told him to, and slowly Jace's stomach settled and he felt the fatigue take over in a good and relaxing way.

“Okay, Alec.” Catarina, nodded at the man in her hold. “You’re good. When I let go and the magic isn’t keeping you awake you will fall asleep fast, but you’ll still be able to move when you wake up, okay?”

Alec bit his lip and looked at Jace and Magnus. Jace lifted one of his hands to Jace’s own chest and held it their in both of his. “These two needs rest too.” He looked up at Magnus who held an arm on Catarina’s shoulder as she swayed where she stood. “I’m staying right here.”

With a small nod, Alec agreed and looked up at Catarina. The light vanished and Magnus caught her before she fell to the floor. Alec’s hand tightened in Jace’s for only a second before it fell limp and Jace could place it slowly on a calmly moving chest. He nodded at Magnus to go get some rest.

“I’ll explain everything out there.” Magnus nodded at the door he was leading Catarina towards, and then looked at the bed next to Alec’s. “I’ll be in in a minute.”


End file.
